User Raymond, Kevin Hart, President Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, and the list goes on and on and on. Stop placing celebrities on a high Pedestal. OH! Let me not forget about Pastors. Let me start of by saying, I don’t care about Kevin Hart allegedly cheating or extortion allegation. As I was scrolling down on I.G, I saw his apology video to the world, listened for about a few seconds, and couldn’t listen anymore. Ashley from Schoolin Life Podcast mentioned her take on Mr. Hart when she did her, It Aint Nun of My Business Segment with Caryn and Nish. I was so thrilled to hear they felt the same way I do. Go and apologize to your kids and pregnant wife. We don’t care. But, there are some people out there in the world who do care and was angry or let down or disappointed. I get it and I understand. Let me take it 1 step further. Look at Usher, he got it bad. No Pun intended. But I didn’t care. I just think he’s nasty as hell and that was it. I don’t care who he burned. What he’s doing in his personal life has no affect on me or my life what so ever. I don’t care. Just nasty!
Let me take it all the way to the gutta gutta. Bill Cosby. I do have to admit, when I heard about his allegations I was sad and disgusted. Especially by his actions and the words he was saying during his trial and after. I was sad because he starred in an American Television sitcom (that aired from 1984-1992), which showed a Black Family living in a beautiful house, with children, and 2 employed parents, 1 is a lawyer and 1 (Bill Cosby) as a Doctor. All Black Cast and the starring actor has let the Black community down. Period!
Now, we all know about Bill Clinton, he is known for having a side piece while in office as the 42nd President of the United States of America and served 2 terms, however was impeached in 1998. I didn’t care about his sex life back than and I don’t care now. Your sex life is not on the voting ballet, or at least the last time I voted there’s nothing indicating side pieces.
I am not saying we shouldn’t admire or be inspired. We can certainly learn from others. The good and the bad. Learn from what not to do and what to do (with your own style). Putting someone on a High Pedestal is either going to make you feel like shit because you feel this person (doesn’t always have to be a celebrity) is so much better than you or above you. Does that make you feel good about yourself? Or your placing pressure on the person who you so idealized that they feel like they must live a certain way all the time and therefore they are not their natural selves. Allow the celebrities to entertain. They’re human beings like us, except with an awesome job that they get paid lots of money for.
Why did I mention Pastors? I mention Pastors because they are automatically placed on a very High Pedal Stool, they make mistakes too and when they do we shit on them as if we have already placed a home for them in HELL. I never take a Pastors word entirely, I research what they’re preaching. I listen to their words. I don’t place my Faith on them. They’re teachers. I think it’s fair to say we can place a high standard for them. I do think we forget they’re humans, they have the same body parts as any of us, male or female. Just because a leader sinned doesn’t mean that what he preached didn’t hold any value or you didn’t learn from it or it’s not true, it just means that he has fallen short, didn’t live it out, and he or she sinned. Don’t forget you were born a sinner. As Christians, we’re supposed to sin less.
For a long time, we have placed celebrities and professionals on a high pedal stool based on their title and credentials and we place our expectations on them. Again, we all make mistakes. We are all great at something(s), that the next person is not great at. We develop differently, at a different pace. To me, if I put someone on a Pedal Stool I am than saying they are much better than me, automatically placing myself at a lower standard, creating low self-esteem. Or, if an individual placed themselves on a pedal stool, that person has then given up their power and their right to live the way they want and to live comfortably. Does that make sense? I feel like they have placed themselves in the Hero category.
I tried to keep this short and I can add more however, I think this is enough. What are your thoughts?
Lessons 1. People will always talk about you, no matter how much good you do. Someone will always have something to say.
2. There will always be someone who will lie on you.
3. You will always have problems with people because you keep it too real.
I’ve had many interesting conversations with my Dad about life with lots of advice and personal stories. He has always given me advice/life lessons my entire life, from the time I came out of my mother’s womb until the day he passed away. Depending on my age and my level of comprehension, my father has a way of repeating the same advice and stories over and over in ways where I could understand and as I got older the words are much more firm, real, authentic, and no beating behind the bush type of conversation. He always ended the conversation with, I love you. I love how he speaks with love and patience.
I certainly didn’t think too much into this when I was younger, but now that I’m older it’s like. DAAAMMMMMMMMMMMN GINA! In my Martin Lawrence voice
A few weeks ago, the Friend Zone Podcast did a segment on projecting. After listening to the show, a lot of situations and/or experiences made sense, so I started to do some research on it. The more I read about Projections the more I felt sorry for the individual that has projected negative thoughts and emotions on to me just so they won’t have to deal with their own dysfunction behavior and thoughts and emotions. They rather avoid dealing with them by relocating their feelings on others and sometimes will get others to do the same just to justify what they’re doing is ok, which forces them to avoid facing their demons.
The 3 Life lessons may not be something you’re use too hearing, you may not agree with them or may not even apply to you (if you feel this way), however, I believe this 100%.
Here is a clear example that my mother would say and I am sure you have herd of it. If your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is accusing you of cheating, it’s because their doing it themselves. We get accused of stuff that is completely not in our character and so out the park that its horrendous. I experienced many projections from others and even though it made me angry at that time, no lie. I would seek out revenge and curse them out, and say whatever mean and harsh words I could think of and say, and from that point on, their dead to me. As I got older I realized that I needed a different outlet, a different way to express myself. It’s a lie anyway and I don’t want to entertain someone’s else’s insecurities, but at times I would fight back and defend myself because my character was being damaged, which made things worse. Now that I am aware of my goal(s) and my health, it’s important to me to at least try to respond with compassion with firm loving words and boundaries. I’m not perfect, at times I do fall off after being tested so many damn times. I may curse, but I’m not cursing at them.
I tried my hardest to make this post short and sweet, so I hope I didn’t bore you. If you have experienced projection, please feel free to share your story in the comment section. I can honestly say that I have no more hard feelings, disgusting feelings or negative feelings towards the people who has placed their projections on to me. Now I have a better understanding for them and for myself.
“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” Quoted by, Michelle Obama
Sunday July 30th, I attended the Mindfulness retreat at My Detox Lounge in Tracy, Ca. I really had a good time, very informative. I had the pleasure in meeting the guest speakers. Beverly, the energy healer, Sabrina the Colon Hydrotherapist, Juanita, the intuitive and Life Coach, Ram 1 and Ram 2, The Art of Living instructors for The Happiness Program, Cynthia Shay, the doTerra Wellness Advocate Leader, and Catherine, the owner of My Detox Lounge who plays many rolls and wears many hats, and who has many gifts. The guest speakers explained some helpful techniques/tips on meditation, breathing exercises, and how to use your high energy to spread love. We also had the privilege in making our own essential oil roller ball using crystals to assist with one of our Chakras. The atmosphere was inviting, calming, and gratifying. The only expectation I had was to learn and leave feeling that I was able to apply those tools to my life to help become a better me and a better mother. I can honestly say I receive just that and a whole lot more. As Beverly stated, “I have a high energy hangover”. What stood out to me, as well as given me confirmation that what I’ve been doing is an endorsement that it’s ok for me to walk away from any relationships that serves me no damn good. That can mean anybody from friends, to family, to coworkers, anybody. So yes! if I say or have said, Fuck you and deleted your number from my phone and deleted you from all of my social media accts, that only means that I am removing your energy from mine because my focus is to make sure that I’m protecting my energy and my mental health. In the words of Dustin Ross (from The Friend Zone), who in the HELL wants a musty brain. To have that confirmation felt so good. It doesn’t mean that I’m holding a grudge or being what others may call it, a Bitch. I can be that, but why? What good does that do for me? It just means that I’m putting myself first. Am I being selfish? Yes! I am. Finally! (as I say this to myself with a big smile). I can finally be me and not feel bad. I mentioned that the Mindfulness retreat was inviting because I was greeted as soon as I walked in. Everyone who attended this event was greeted with such kindness. I immediately felt good when I walked in. No guards up, until I was picked from Beverly to stand in front of everyone. Thank you to my big mouth. I also experience calmness. I wasn’t anxious. The speakers didn’t give the impression that they were rushing. They all stayed at a good and steady paste. Each speaker provided valuable information and kept our attention on them. My favorite informative speaker was Sabrina, she broke down the colonic Hydrotherapy in simple terms. She explained the benefits and how it’s done. This is something that I am defiantly going to do. Mrs. Juanita, the life coach and Institutive Reader was funny and very firm. As she says, she is no bullshitting type of person. Something my mom would say and has said. But I suggest that everyone take the time out and experience a few minutes with Juanita. I left feeling mentally cleansed, motivated, and powerful. I left knowing that I deserve to be treated like a human, with respect and if I don’t get that I’m ok with people thinking I’m a bitch. I know me and I have boundaries. I know whatever is being thrown at me, I'm ready to deal with it. I don't have everything figure out, but I love the fact that I have the tools to be myself and to be around people who except me, for me. Not just the funny me.
Hands down, one of the best books I’ve read in my 35 years of living. I do have to admit when I first herd Charlamagne Tha God was writing a book, I really thought it was going to be on some dumb shit. I never really paid attention when he spoke about it. Then, when I heard the title. I damn sure wasn’t even interested in reading the book. I thought to myself, Black Privilege! Are you kidding me! There’s no such thing. On charlamagne’s podcast The Brilliant Idiots, he was talking about it and for some reason I zoned out. I totally judged the book. Never gave it a chance.
One slow day at work, I decided to use my friend Google, whose open 24 hours, 7 days a week. Gotta love the internet. I searched Charlamagne’s book and read the introduction. Maaaaaan I was wrong! I was stuck reading it. My eyes were so glued to my computer screen that I never checked my phone for any social media notifications, text messages, or emails. I loved what I was reading.
“Never stunt your own growth by dismissing something just because it doesn’t feel familiar”. Quoted by Charlamagne tha God.
The reason why I love this book so much is the honesty, which Charlamagne speaks about. I connected very well with this book because for years I’ve been asking myself, why am I always having issues with people when speaking my mind, especially at work. I carefully examine myself and talk to my “good” friends and family and they all say the same thing. Cause you keep it too real. Even my husband says the same thing. His words, “you don’t beat behind the bush”. My father even told me (in my 20’s) I was going to lose many relationships with friends and family memebers because I keep it too real and he ask for me to never to change that. I guess you can say, (quoted by charlamagne) “speak my truth” in my charlamagne’s voice.
I don’t want to be a spoiler alert, but there’s so much good stuff in the book. I totally laughed a lot and I learned a lot as well. To my surprise, I learned a lot about Charlamagne and I wasn’t excepting that, I also learned a lot about myself, which I’ll write about in a different post. Charlamagne is truly a genuine good guy and he’s a go getter. His journey, life story is great and lots of lessons learned. Yes he can be an ass hole, but that’s only because some people are consumed with fakeness. People don’t except for someone to stand their ground and speak their truth.
I wish I had this type of book when I was starting college.
It’s very ware to come across someone who will tell you to your face how they feel about you. I mean it’s refreshing, but at the same time I would be pissed off for a little bit if someone came to me and said, you’re getting fat, what you gonna do about that? In all honesty, I have gained A LOT of weight in an unhealthy way and I do need to make better and smart choices about my eating habits. I am all about communication and talking things through, even if we disagree, very much like Charlamagne and Andrew Schultz (who I really can’t stand). In this book THERE IS NO bullshitting, straight up you get the real deal from the sources mouth.
The paint I used for both furniture pieces is the Lark + Kensington Semi-Gloss in white. Never let paint go to waste.
Before you start painting please sand down your item either by hand or with an electric sander. The above furniture item/picture, I sand it down by hand with a high (120) level sandpaper.
Please choose the correct number of sand paper. The higher the number of grits, the finer it is. The lower the number of grits level, the coarser it is. For an example, you need coarse sandpaper for smoothing surfaces and removing imperfections. For fine/less coarse sandpaper, you may use that to smooth the item to just clean it up a little.
The furniture item/picture below, I did not sand it down. Therefore, I had to use 3-4 coats to get the smooth look and to fill in any paint seperations.
The notion of self-acceptance seemed quite foreign, albeit not completely impossible to me when I was in my early years of elementary school. Being in an environment where nearly all students critiqued and judged one another, to the point where outright bullying was a norm, was undoubtedly the foundation of my lacking self-love. This is interesting, because to some degree, I did accept the way that it was: that this was the way that things were, that at eight or nine years old, I was happier dressing comfortably than in tighter and purposely provocative clothing, or that being kinder to people felt better to me than being cruel. But although I accepted that this was the way that I was and that I wouldn’t change myself for other people, I sometimes hated myself because of it.
Now take this and combine it with the regular wear and tear of growing up from child, to pre-adolescent, to teenager, all the way into the observant and (hopefully) relatively well-rounded twenty-something I am today. Throughout this journey, there have been all of the typical ups and downs, plus a few additional trials and triumphs added here and there; there were many times where I almost came to accept that I would never accept my life for all that it was, as-is. Despite a slight bravado of confidence in my secondary and later post-secondary education, I felt absolutely terrified about my future. Despite repeating time and time again to people that I had a flawless plan for what I wanted to achieve and how I would obtain it, I was positively clueless at so many times. Despite almost always plastering a smile across my face, I often felt very lost in the life that I was living. In all honesty, I still feel these things more often than I should in the present day.
There are still days when I sense that impeding weight of being "less than" creep up on me, threatening to make me feel like all of my personal successes and accomplishments are inadequate in the grand scheme of things. I often feel that I am a minute detail, a small speck in the greater picture. I find it best to attempt stepping back and re-evaluating everything for as it truly is (which I am very often able to do, thankfully), but there are still times when I cannot help but wonder, Is it possible for me to have done more in less time? Should I be far more ahead than I currently am? Am I good enough right now?
Though in hindsight, when you’re in a clear state of mind where everything is going well and you are free from that self-doubt, you can confidently declare, "I’m doing amazing! I can do anything!", this is something we must practice for those days when we do not feel so enthusiastic.
Remember that you are 100% on track, even when it might seem like you are not. I firmly believe that we are always in the right place at the right time and moving forward at a pace that is best for us in a given situation. Nothing we do or experience is a mistake; we must take the bad with the good and consider everything a learning experience that we can grow from, not allow ourselves to be hindered by.
All I care about is how I look or how I appear to other people, turns out people want me to change. They don't like me for who I am and I get made to feel pretty shitty. But who knew a couple of years from today I'd be accepting myself for my quirks. I'm weird? so what?! I may not be perfect but that's who I am. I don't have perfect legs and I sure as hell don't have perfect blonde hair. But somehow I'm me. At the age of twenty you'll look in the mirror and feel happy, forgetting everything that anyone has ever said to you. You may not have the perfect figure, or have that body guys think is to die for but you'll be happy, that's what matters. You'll accept yourself for who you are.
In ten years you'll regret ever doubting yourself. You'll have amazing friends who are just as weird as you, even sharing the same quirks! Weird right?!
Just remember each time you doubt yourself, read this letter and remember you are beautiful inside and out and not you or anyone else can stand in your way.