User Raymond, Kevin Hart, President Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, and the list goes on and on and on. Stop placing celebrities on a high Pedestal. OH! Let me not forget about Pastors. Let me start of by saying, I don’t care about Kevin Hart allegedly cheating or extortion allegation. As I was scrolling down on I.G, I saw his apology video to the world, listened for about a few seconds, and couldn’t listen anymore. Ashley from Schoolin Life Podcast mentioned her take on Mr. Hart when she did her, It Aint Nun of My Business Segment with Caryn and Nish. I was so thrilled to hear they felt the same way I do. Go and apologize to your kids and pregnant wife. We don’t care. But, there are some people out there in the world who do care and was angry or let down or disappointed. I get it and I understand. Let me take it 1 step further. Look at Usher, he got it bad. No Pun intended. But I didn’t care. I just think he’s nasty as hell and that was it. I don’t care who he burned. What he’s doing in his personal life has no affect on me or my life what so ever. I don’t care. Just nasty!
Let me take it all the way to the gutta gutta. Bill Cosby. I do have to admit, when I heard about his allegations I was sad and disgusted. Especially by his actions and the words he was saying during his trial and after. I was sad because he starred in an American Television sitcom (that aired from 1984-1992), which showed a Black Family living in a beautiful house, with children, and 2 employed parents, 1 is a lawyer and 1 (Bill Cosby) as a Doctor. All Black Cast and the starring actor has let the Black community down. Period!
Now, we all know about Bill Clinton, he is known for having a side piece while in office as the 42nd President of the United States of America and served 2 terms, however was impeached in 1998. I didn’t care about his sex life back than and I don’t care now. Your sex life is not on the voting ballet, or at least the last time I voted there’s nothing indicating side pieces.
I am not saying we shouldn’t admire or be inspired. We can certainly learn from others. The good and the bad. Learn from what not to do and what to do (with your own style). Putting someone on a High Pedestal is either going to make you feel like shit because you feel this person (doesn’t always have to be a celebrity) is so much better than you or above you. Does that make you feel good about yourself? Or your placing pressure on the person who you so idealized that they feel like they must live a certain way all the time and therefore they are not their natural selves. Allow the celebrities to entertain. They’re human beings like us, except with an awesome job that they get paid lots of money for.
Why did I mention Pastors? I mention Pastors because they are automatically placed on a very High Pedal Stool, they make mistakes too and when they do we shit on them as if we have already placed a home for them in HELL. I never take a Pastors word entirely, I research what they’re preaching. I listen to their words. I don’t place my Faith on them. They’re teachers. I think it’s fair to say we can place a high standard for them. I do think we forget they’re humans, they have the same body parts as any of us, male or female. Just because a leader sinned doesn’t mean that what he preached didn’t hold any value or you didn’t learn from it or it’s not true, it just means that he has fallen short, didn’t live it out, and he or she sinned. Don’t forget you were born a sinner. As Christians, we’re supposed to sin less.
For a long time, we have placed celebrities and professionals on a high pedal stool based on their title and credentials and we place our expectations on them. Again, we all make mistakes. We are all great at something(s), that the next person is not great at. We develop differently, at a different pace. To me, if I put someone on a Pedal Stool I am than saying they are much better than me, automatically placing myself at a lower standard, creating low self-esteem. Or, if an individual placed themselves on a pedal stool, that person has then given up their power and their right to live the way they want and to live comfortably. Does that make sense? I feel like they have placed themselves in the Hero category.
I tried to keep this short and I can add more however, I think this is enough. What are your thoughts?
Lessons 1. People will always talk about you, no matter how much good you do. Someone will always have something to say.
2. There will always be someone who will lie on you.
3. You will always have problems with people because you keep it too real.
I’ve had many interesting conversations with my Dad about life with lots of advice and personal stories. He has always given me advice/life lessons my entire life, from the time I came out of my mother’s womb until the day he passed away. Depending on my age and my level of comprehension, my father has a way of repeating the same advice and stories over and over in ways where I could understand and as I got older the words are much more firm, real, authentic, and no beating behind the bush type of conversation. He always ended the conversation with, I love you. I love how he speaks with love and patience.
I certainly didn’t think too much into this when I was younger, but now that I’m older it’s like. DAAAMMMMMMMMMMMN GINA! In my Martin Lawrence voice
A few weeks ago, the Friend Zone Podcast did a segment on projecting. After listening to the show, a lot of situations and/or experiences made sense, so I started to do some research on it. The more I read about Projections the more I felt sorry for the individual that has projected negative thoughts and emotions on to me just so they won’t have to deal with their own dysfunction behavior and thoughts and emotions. They rather avoid dealing with them by relocating their feelings on others and sometimes will get others to do the same just to justify what they’re doing is ok, which forces them to avoid facing their demons.
The 3 Life lessons may not be something you’re use too hearing, you may not agree with them or may not even apply to you (if you feel this way), however, I believe this 100%.
Here is a clear example that my mother would say and I am sure you have herd of it. If your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is accusing you of cheating, it’s because their doing it themselves. We get accused of stuff that is completely not in our character and so out the park that its horrendous. I experienced many projections from others and even though it made me angry at that time, no lie. I would seek out revenge and curse them out, and say whatever mean and harsh words I could think of and say, and from that point on, their dead to me. As I got older I realized that I needed a different outlet, a different way to express myself. It’s a lie anyway and I don’t want to entertain someone’s else’s insecurities, but at times I would fight back and defend myself because my character was being damaged, which made things worse. Now that I am aware of my goal(s) and my health, it’s important to me to at least try to respond with compassion with firm loving words and boundaries. I’m not perfect, at times I do fall off after being tested so many damn times. I may curse, but I’m not cursing at them.
I tried my hardest to make this post short and sweet, so I hope I didn’t bore you. If you have experienced projection, please feel free to share your story in the comment section. I can honestly say that I have no more hard feelings, disgusting feelings or negative feelings towards the people who has placed their projections on to me. Now I have a better understanding for them and for myself.
“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” Quoted by, Michelle Obama
Sunday July 30th, I attended the Mindfulness retreat at My Detox Lounge in Tracy, Ca. I really had a good time, very informative. I had the pleasure in meeting the guest speakers. Beverly, the energy healer, Sabrina the Colon Hydrotherapist, Juanita, the intuitive and Life Coach, Ram 1 and Ram 2, The Art of Living instructors for The Happiness Program, Cynthia Shay, the doTerra Wellness Advocate Leader, and Catherine, the owner of My Detox Lounge who plays many rolls and wears many hats, and who has many gifts. The guest speakers explained some helpful techniques/tips on meditation, breathing exercises, and how to use your high energy to spread love. We also had the privilege in making our own essential oil roller ball using crystals to assist with one of our Chakras. The atmosphere was inviting, calming, and gratifying. The only expectation I had was to learn and leave feeling that I was able to apply those tools to my life to help become a better me and a better mother. I can honestly say I receive just that and a whole lot more. As Beverly stated, “I have a high energy hangover”. What stood out to me, as well as given me confirmation that what I’ve been doing is an endorsement that it’s ok for me to walk away from any relationships that serves me no damn good. That can mean anybody from friends, to family, to coworkers, anybody. So yes! if I say or have said, Fuck you and deleted your number from my phone and deleted you from all of my social media accts, that only means that I am removing your energy from mine because my focus is to make sure that I’m protecting my energy and my mental health. In the words of Dustin Ross (from The Friend Zone), who in the HELL wants a musty brain. To have that confirmation felt so good. It doesn’t mean that I’m holding a grudge or being what others may call it, a Bitch. I can be that, but why? What good does that do for me? It just means that I’m putting myself first. Am I being selfish? Yes! I am. Finally! (as I say this to myself with a big smile). I can finally be me and not feel bad. I mentioned that the Mindfulness retreat was inviting because I was greeted as soon as I walked in. Everyone who attended this event was greeted with such kindness. I immediately felt good when I walked in. No guards up, until I was picked from Beverly to stand in front of everyone. Thank you to my big mouth. I also experience calmness. I wasn’t anxious. The speakers didn’t give the impression that they were rushing. They all stayed at a good and steady paste. Each speaker provided valuable information and kept our attention on them. My favorite informative speaker was Sabrina, she broke down the colonic Hydrotherapy in simple terms. She explained the benefits and how it’s done. This is something that I am defiantly going to do. Mrs. Juanita, the life coach and Institutive Reader was funny and very firm. As she says, she is no bullshitting type of person. Something my mom would say and has said. But I suggest that everyone take the time out and experience a few minutes with Juanita. I left feeling mentally cleansed, motivated, and powerful. I left knowing that I deserve to be treated like a human, with respect and if I don’t get that I’m ok with people thinking I’m a bitch. I know me and I have boundaries. I know whatever is being thrown at me, I'm ready to deal with it. I don't have everything figure out, but I love the fact that I have the tools to be myself and to be around people who except me, for me. Not just the funny me.
The notion of self-acceptance seemed quite foreign, albeit not completely impossible to me when I was in my early years of elementary school. Being in an environment where nearly all students critiqued and judged one another, to the point where outright bullying was a norm, was undoubtedly the foundation of my lacking self-love. This is interesting, because to some degree, I did accept the way that it was: that this was the way that things were, that at eight or nine years old, I was happier dressing comfortably than in tighter and purposely provocative clothing, or that being kinder to people felt better to me than being cruel. But although I accepted that this was the way that I was and that I wouldn’t change myself for other people, I sometimes hated myself because of it.
Now take this and combine it with the regular wear and tear of growing up from child, to pre-adolescent, to teenager, all the way into the observant and (hopefully) relatively well-rounded twenty-something I am today. Throughout this journey, there have been all of the typical ups and downs, plus a few additional trials and triumphs added here and there; there were many times where I almost came to accept that I would never accept my life for all that it was, as-is. Despite a slight bravado of confidence in my secondary and later post-secondary education, I felt absolutely terrified about my future. Despite repeating time and time again to people that I had a flawless plan for what I wanted to achieve and how I would obtain it, I was positively clueless at so many times. Despite almost always plastering a smile across my face, I often felt very lost in the life that I was living. In all honesty, I still feel these things more often than I should in the present day.
There are still days when I sense that impeding weight of being "less than" creep up on me, threatening to make me feel like all of my personal successes and accomplishments are inadequate in the grand scheme of things. I often feel that I am a minute detail, a small speck in the greater picture. I find it best to attempt stepping back and re-evaluating everything for as it truly is (which I am very often able to do, thankfully), but there are still times when I cannot help but wonder, Is it possible for me to have done more in less time? Should I be far more ahead than I currently am? Am I good enough right now?
Though in hindsight, when you’re in a clear state of mind where everything is going well and you are free from that self-doubt, you can confidently declare, "I’m doing amazing! I can do anything!", this is something we must practice for those days when we do not feel so enthusiastic.
Remember that you are 100% on track, even when it might seem like you are not. I firmly believe that we are always in the right place at the right time and moving forward at a pace that is best for us in a given situation. Nothing we do or experience is a mistake; we must take the bad with the good and consider everything a learning experience that we can grow from, not allow ourselves to be hindered by.
All I care about is how I look or how I appear to other people, turns out people want me to change. They don't like me for who I am and I get made to feel pretty shitty. But who knew a couple of years from today I'd be accepting myself for my quirks. I'm weird? so what?! I may not be perfect but that's who I am. I don't have perfect legs and I sure as hell don't have perfect blonde hair. But somehow I'm me. At the age of twenty you'll look in the mirror and feel happy, forgetting everything that anyone has ever said to you. You may not have the perfect figure, or have that body guys think is to die for but you'll be happy, that's what matters. You'll accept yourself for who you are.
In ten years you'll regret ever doubting yourself. You'll have amazing friends who are just as weird as you, even sharing the same quirks! Weird right?!
Just remember each time you doubt yourself, read this letter and remember you are beautiful inside and out and not you or anyone else can stand in your way.
Growing up I had a good childhood, I grew with both parents in the household, attend great schools, lived in a nice neighborhood, always had food and clothing. Both parents always worked. My mother worked at the same job for over 40 years and my father worked many jobs. He could always find a job rather its temporary or permanent. I remember one day I came home from and my dad was home. My dad told me that he had quit his job because his manager disrespected him. Therefore, my dad gave him the BUSINESS and quit and found another job the following week.
You might be thinking, this has nothing to do with Accepting Yourself. But, I needed to provide you with a mini background and it will tie in to my post.
Both parents were very totally different. I mean night and day. But that’s just how me and my husband is. Very different, hot and cold. Both parents were very strong (mentally and physically), outspoken, confident, and accepted themselves.
I learned a lot from my parents, but as I get older I see a lot of their good traits in me. But what I love about my parents is how they treated themselves, how they reacted towards “some” situations, how they handled certain situations, who they hung around with, how they treated themselves with gifts, and how they managed to stay true themselves.
I believe we are or at least I know and can admit that I am my worst critic. I use to talk shit about myself, I am extra hard on myself, and at one point I didn’t treat myself the nicest. I use to have really bad anxiety and anger issues (from keeping things inside and not expressing them) So…..That defiantly added a lot of stress and negative thoughts.
I’ve come a long way, I have more work to do but I have some helpful tips with some fun activities that can help you with accepting yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Now let me add this important message. Just because I’m more calm and relaxed, I don’t allow people to talk to me in any way, shape or form. Just because I hold/tame my tongue does not mean I am a punk, scared, or a door matt. People often get that confused. And another thing, just because I’m a Christian doesn’t mean I let everything slide.
The topic Self- Acceptance was motivated by an individual who provided me with some great feedback about my Introduction YouTube Channel. I was really grateful, but some words or statement triggered something in my soul, not in a bad way, but it reminded me of somethings that I went through. No matter what there will always be people out in the world that will disapprove or dislike how you look, live, talk, dress, smile, laugh, eat…. Must I go on? I think you get the point.
This is no shade at all.
I can take criticism when its spoken out of love to help me do better, which this is what I believe the feedback was. However, I am who I am and I accept who I am. I curse every now and then.
The reality is that when you ask for advice or opinion of others, it’s up to you to take it. Now mentioning that I should not curse because it can decrease my chances in sponsorship or collaboration, is probably true. However, I will not code switch on my blog or on my channel. Period! If you’re not familiar with code switching, please Google it or if you want me to talk about it. Let me know and I’ll be happy to post it.
I like Cardi B for who she is. She never pretends to be someone else. She went from being a stripper to realty star and now she has appeared on VH1 popular T.V show Being Mary Jane. Talking about breaking barriers and making changes. She is known for being loud and ratchet and being brutally honest in a very vulgar way.
AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNND, I love it.
Be Yourself: You will never be happy by pretending to be someone else. Control Yourself: this means your eyes and looks. Sometimes your face can say a lot or if your someone like me who reacts and speaks immediately. Control your tongue. Think first and analysis. Forgive Yourself: No one is perfect and don’t try to because your setting yourself up for failure. Love Yourself: We’ve all heard the quote, you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself. That’s true. Just think about it. When you love something, you take good care of it. If you’re having problems with loving yourself try some to of the activities that I’ll list below and you might want to think about talking to a therapist. I do and I think everyone should. It helps.
Make a Self-Esteem collage
Make an Affirmation collage or speak them every morning in the mirror or post them and read them.
Write in a journal once a day
Create a Compliment Journal or a list of things you have overcome
Plan a weekly or bi-weekly or monthly pamper day or massage or facial
Give yourself some props, brag to yourself, talk positive to yourself, give compliments to yourself
Live a little outside the box and try something new or challenge yourself realistically
Making a vision board
Practice an optimistic attitude
Cut off toxic people and replace with good people
Organize your car, closet, kitchen, living room, bedroom, etc.
Learn how to find your passion and do what you love
Trevor Noah! Who is he? Beside fine as hell. Just sayen. The first time I saw Trevor was on television doing standup comedy on Comedy Central. I thought he was HELLA funny and the topics that he was joking about were on politics, his upbringing in South Africa, and his outlook on America whiling living here in the U.S. It’s hard to make me laugh when joking about politics and race, but he did such a great job that my cheekbones were hurting. Especially since he was speaking the truth. If you haven’t watched any of his standup’s or t.v shows, please look him up on YouTube. I want you to get a clear understanding of who he is and why I have him listed as one of my Influential Black person in today’s world.
Trevor Noah was born on February 20, 1984 in South Africa. His mother is Black (African American) and his father is White (European). At that time, it was illegal to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Therefore, Noah’s parents carried on by having a secret relationship. His mother had to pretend to be his babysitter and while walking in the streets his father had to walk on the opposite side of the side walk.
I would like to share some information about Trevor. Trevor has his own show called, The Daily Show, he interviewed President Barack Obama, and has had his own comedy special on Showtime. Trevor does not hold back; he speaks his mind. He has done great things and I hope you pay more attention to him and support him in any way you can. I listed him as an Influencer, because he’s what I call, the “today” or the “new” and what I mean by that is…We need more people like him who can speak to us and to the younger generation in a way that we/younger people can understand. Yes! I’m grateful for MLK, Malcom, Ali, Rosa Parks, Black Panthers, and other Black influencers who spoke out about race and politics. However, I feel that we need to keep going and speak out on issues that are not serving us (African Americans) any good and being treated unfairly. He’s a fresh voice and catches your attention with humor and that is a BIG plus for me.
Hope you enjoyed reading my 1st Black influencer. Please look up Trevor Noah and watch his comedy clips and t.v shows.
Yes! I’m excited. I love February, yes it’s the shortest month of the year, but it’s still a month that we get to celebrate our culture, our blackness, our strength, and creativity. Expose all the great inventors, educators, activist, entertainers, sports players, and more. Recognizing and giving recognition to those who has worked so hard to make a change and has made changes for people like myself is something that I feel we should acknowledge and often talk about in schools.
To be the only race to have a whole month of celebrating the beauty of blackness it astonishing.
Every Friday, for the month of February I’ll be posting “my” 5 most Black Influencers.
Thank you for visiting my site and please free to comment and tell me your Black influencers and why.